Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it hurts more in the daytime
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The Olympian is in my bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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