I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
