I don't think brook has ever known best
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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