Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Alive.
So much puke
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
