my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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