Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize