Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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