I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
