after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The best revenge is premature balding
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
