i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
