i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
