Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I could make wine with my vomit
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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