you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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