At least make sure they are 18
Why
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
