I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
