He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
