I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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