I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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