I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
