Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
