just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
