I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
