i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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