If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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