i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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