dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
