the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
