I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
