i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
