i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
