my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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