Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
