Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
