He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
false alarm. still invincible.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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