I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
