My hand turned me down
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
