Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
