Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
