Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
