You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
