Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
