i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
