her vagine was all disorganized.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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