i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
