you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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