if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
