dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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