I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
