Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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