am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
