Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
