Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
