i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ugly people sure do ruin things
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
