You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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