I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
