I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
