she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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