If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
