...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
