I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize