I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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