why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The uberlube is also flammable
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I FOUND THE LEGS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
