Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
