I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
