I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My breasts were aching with rage.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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