Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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