i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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