Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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