i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
