So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
