Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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