I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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