So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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