Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
